Every year around October and into November, I prepare for the New Year. I have done this spiritual practice for around 10 years now. The soul care practice is to seek out your theme for the upcoming year. Please note: this is not a resolution. While we would all love to lose those 10 pounds from Christmas cookies; this practice is much deeper and focused.

Like any spiritual practice (or any type of practice, really), the approach and results get better with each repetition. I have learned over the years to not start at Christmas and ask Jesus what his theme is for the New Year. This rushes the process and makes one look for answers and wisdom in quick-fix steps. You and I know that this never works.

This post is going live a few days after Thanksgiving. You STILL HAVE TIME! Let me provide you with some ways to prepare for the New Year (in Jesus):

• Take time each day for silence. Yes, turn off the TV and silence those phone notifications. (Those chirps and beeps aren’t helping your mental health, anyway!) During your times of silence, just sit and be still before Jesus. No questions, no requests, no prayers for your grandmother’s cousin’s neighbor’s guinea pig.
• Start a journal entry for your yearly theme. Write in a way that works for you. Sometimes, I write in bulleted thoughts and sometimes I write in sentences. Or, you can write down key phrases or words that are coming to you.
• Talk to someone who you can discuss your theme with. Pick someone who a consistent presence in your life.
• Ask Jesus the following questions: Where do I need to focus my heart, soul, and mind in 2024? Is there an area where I need to trust you more? Continue to ask these questions leading up to the New Year.
• Go back to your journal and your friend and process the word(s) that you have heard. I usually receive one word as a theme for the year and sometimes two words.
• Don’t broadcast your theme to everyone. This is not because it is something so scandalous; however, you don’t need people throwing your theme around (and to you) when something goes awry.

I hope you experience the beautiful freedom in 2024 that is in the practice of developing a theme. If you need help with this, feel free to reach out!

This post is the second post in a series on The Power of Story. Today’s post focuses on truth and how we can get defensive about simple aspects of story–such as the meaning of “truth”.

“This is My truth” is a common phrase that has been used for the last couple years. There are normally several responses to this phrase and they usually are not healthy. One response is to get defensive and be ready to fight. This is a favorite defense mechanism in the Church as we somehow think arguing people into the Kingdom is a great idea. (Note: Look at the Gospels. Jesus never had to argue someone into the Kingdom). The stance taken in this argument is to downplay someone’s saying of “my truth” and replace it with “Jesus is the truth”. The issue with this you are not understanding why that person is saying “my truth”.

“My truth” is someone’s sharing of their story and what they have endured. Has it been overused sometimes in our culture? Yes, greatly! However, when someone shares their experience (especially in regards to trauma), telling them that “only Jesus is the truth” can be a little over the top. Jesus is the truth; however, this is something that a Jesus follower adheres to. And when someone shares “their truth”, they are not saying that Jesus is not the truth. They are simply stating their experience, perspective, trauma, etc–and how it has shaped them.

So in your story, how do you handle “truth”?

1. Get in the Word. Spend time getting to know Jesus and who he is.
2. Write down things that have happened to you that would deem as traumatic.
3. Review the traumatic things that have happened to you. Remember this, each event could involve pain due to the actions of others, yourself, or a mix of both. Own what is your responsibility. Grieve the wound.
4. Forgive the other person – in person or in your heart. It will set you free.
5. Remind yourself daily that your story and God’s story intertwine and to be mindful of where you are seeking truth from–aka: the news, social media, political allegiances, etc.

Everyone loves stories. Whether we are book readers or not, there is nothing better than hearing or telling a good story. Good stories cause us to stop what we doing, listen with intention, and want to share that particular story with others.

Your story is powerful. It is not powerful because of you willing it, being “self-made” (which is not a real thing but that is another blog post), or because it is about you. Quite the opposite, your story is powerful when God is the Author. Your story is powerful when you stop trying to play God and let God be who He is–God.

Here is where free-will comes into play. God gave us the choice of free-will because He did not want to force himself onto us. He gave us free-will because there is great security and freedom when someone chooses someone (God, friends, romantic partner) because they want to. Think about forced relationships, etc. I am not talking arranged marriages. Think of friendships where you tried to keep forcing it because of the length of friendship or what that friendship was. You keep forcing it and there is nothing there.

Relationships that we choose and willingly cultivate will lead to more joy and creativity in how we live out our God-inspired story. God wants to write your story. He loves you deeply. His love does not change based on your actions, weird political views, or how much money you make. Here is how to get to know the Author of your story………

• Check your assumptions about God (the Author). Do you view him as a God holding a magnifying glass and burning you (the ant) like in those old cartoons? Do you view God as someone who is only for the person who looks like they have it altogether? (Note: no one is perfect. No one!)
• Spend time in the Bible. Find a translation that works for you. I may be a pastor but I cannot stand the King James Version or New King James Version. I can’t picture Jesus talking in thees and thous.
• Talk to God. Just talk, cry, pray, yell, worship, etc. Just talk.
• Start to pay attention to how God is with you throughout your day.

In our next post, I will discuss “sharing your truth” when sharing your story.

I am pretty much a minimalist. I don’t have trinkets around. If it is in my house, it has a meaning or a memory attached. (Plus trinkets mean more dusting!) As I get ready to move on Monday, I go through every nook and cranny of my house. There are cards to re-read and gifts that I have been blessed with. There are things that need donated or given to people who will benefit from them like I did.

I stop packing and I begin to read some of the cards. I laugh at some of the quotes or memories people included. I am reminded of that funeral, baptism, or wedding that I officiated. I am reminded that God is in the details and He is using me even when I do not see it. It is a reminder that while I was only here 3 years, I did some good here in Jesus’ name.

If I can be real with you, the last year as a pastor has been exhausting. A financial crisis led to a church closing. Tons of extra meetings and planning. Decisions. More decisions. People acting weird. I continually prayed for Jesus to show me joy in the mud. And then it hit me during my time off after Christmas: relax.

When I came back from vacation after January 1, I started wearing jeans on Sunday mornings. I felt more relaxed. My preaching felt better. I rediscovered the WHY to why I said “yes” to my call in the first place. I had spent so much of the last year dealing with crises that it was difficult to see the fruits of my ministry. I took a step back and evaluated everything and I mean EVERYTHING.

Since moving here in 2020, I learned to take long walks up here in the countryside–especially in Autumn colors of gold, fire red, and burnt orange. However, I would continue my walks into the cold months of early 2023. The cold air would sometimes take my breath away and remind me that God is God, He is in charge (not man, government, or other groups), and I need Him A LOT! I continued to enjoy those walks in they were sometimes very conversational with Jesus and sometimes very still and peaceful.

As I close out my final days here, I choose joy. I choose joy over “this is the way it has always been done.” Nothing diminishes our creativity (and God’s) than playing it safe. I choose joy over failure. We learn from failure, but it does not define us when we keep brushing ourselves off and getting back up. I choose joy over what we did not accomplish in my time here and yet celebrate what we ACTUALLY accomplished.

This blog post is the first post in a series of posts on the Farewell Tour. The Farewell Tour is my departure from my current ministry position and onto another. Why would I call it the Farewell Tour? I am surely not a rock star and I cannot play any musical instruments. I dubbed my time leaving here as the Farewell Tour because I wanted to share a little bit about my final days here. Saying goodbye is often a difficult and weird thing. I wanted to not make this weird and wanted to be upfront about the process.

Tasks and timeouts are something that I have become familiar with in the last week. I am leaving two churches and going to pastor another two churches. In this transitional stage, I feel like I have four churches until I completely move. I usually do not miss much in regards to “tasks”; however, I have found myself missing some things over the last few weeks. You find out how gracious people can be (or not) when you forget to do something.

In the middle of all of the tasks of the last week, I have chosen to place myself in Timeout. Yes, THAT place! Timeout = the place you avoided as a child. In the last week, I found myself in the middle of boxes, transitional meetings and tasks, packing, more packing, and countless emails and phone calls. So, I placed myself in Timeout. I made myself walk away from the madness and take some time for rest and refocus.

The gift of Sabbath is something that I am SLOWLY appreciating as a pastor. I moved to my current pastoral assignment during the COVID-19 pandemic. As a leader, I navigated many landmines of differences in theological, cultural, and ideological opinions/approaches in how to lead others during the pandemic. I try to observe my Sabbath on Fridays and when you set a boundary with people about your availability, you truly find out how their view your role.

I don’t view pastors as mythical or mystical creatures. We are humans too. We are not meant to work 24/7. When I did my Clinical Pastoral Education internship at a hospital with trauma beds, the Trauma Doctors even had days off. While I think us pastors have an important job, we are not doctors and not everything is a crisis. We need rest too for our own good and for the well-being of the people that we do ministry with.

In the middle of a crazy week, I chose a Timeout. May you take a Timeout too this week!

We all make them and they usually lead to chaos, heartache, confusion, anger, and betrayal. ASSUMPTIONS are one of the worse things we engage in as human beings. Assumptions are no stranger to the Church either and its response to the trauma of others. Assumptions block our ability to see people and situations the way Jesus would have us see things. Here are some common assumptions we may make in the Church in regards to trauma:

• Assumption: Trauma is only what happens TO US. Reality: Trauma can also be something that we witness (someone else’s pain, the news, public violence, etc). Secondary trauma can impact you just as much as primary (personal) trauma.
• Assumption: Trauma is meant to teach us a lesson. Reality: Traumatic events are not a cookie-cutter ordeal. There are a lot of variables at play during stressful times. We can learn about ourselves from the traumas we face but we need to be careful how we interpret what happens to us. Yes, sometimes we make mistakes and it can lead to bad things (and sin); however, not everything in your fault. We live in a world of evil and there are other people in this world too.
• Assumption: Trauma is just psycho-babble. You just need to pray it away. Reality: This is absolutely terrible theology. You should pray about your trauma, sins, hopes, and dreams. However, you can’t just pray everything “away.” As Americans, we like to rush to the next thing (or person or job) without reflecting on what went wrong in the last living hell we were in. Sit in your pain. Take your pain to Jesus.
• Assumption: Trauma is just a trend. Reality: Trauma is something we are just now exploring in mental health and ministry/spirituality. I worked in mental health for 10 years and it was just becoming a focal point when I left the field in 2018. I have been in pastoral ministry since 2020 and we are slowly being introduced to trauma and the need to dialogue about it in the Church/ministry field.
• Assumption: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Reality: Words do hurt. Words can shape your outlook (good or bad) in life–whether they are your words or someone’s words spoken to you.

Check your assumptions. Test them to Scripture using Romans 12:1-2. Is this good? Is this pleasing to God? Does this align with God’s will?

Our next post in this series will focus on Soul Ties and how they can make or break our hearts and minds as a community of believers.

In my last post, I wrote on why the Church is often hesitant to talk about trauma. Frankly, we fear what we do not understand (Nelson Mandela quote?) and therefore we make assumptions about identifying and managing trauma. For centuries, the Church has not been immune to human suffering. People have endured many public battles that we have witnessed. You may be someone who has endured public trauma; however, the past traumas (and current private ones) are the ones that can hurt just as bad. How will the Church respond when people have been internally bleeding in regards to their silent traumas?

I would like to offer you some practical practices in dealing with trauma. These practices are not rocket science and I am not a doctor. Please consult a medical professional if your condition is leading you to thoughts of self-harm or harming others.

Journaling: Everyone has a LOVE/HATE relationship with journaling. Journaling is a great exercise for trauma because it is not as invasive as someone seeing a therapist. The neat aspect of journaling is you can physically see your progress in your own handwriting. I encourage you to handwrite in a journal. At some point, you may need to burn parts of the journal (or all of it) due to life changes, privacy issues, or if the Redcoats are coming.

Get the Anger Out: Everyone’s trauma at some point has made them angry. Identify what or who has made you perturbed. Now, go do something with that anger. Ideas: chop some wood, lift some weights, play a sport, run, etc. DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL. If you need to complete home renovations and have demo work to do, then you have picked a great time to release your anger. The issue with angry is we usually bottle is up inside or we are not kind to other people with our words. Own your angry and show it that you are the boss!

Be Proactive: If there is anything that the human race has mastered over the years, it is the subtle art of procrastination. When we procrastinate and put things off, we are inviting more stress into our lives. Instead of waiting until Monday, plan on Friday for the next week. Planning more in advance should alleviate the stress and anxiety many people feel on Sundays. Planning should include your work tasks as well as things around your home. Additionally, make sure to include things that you NEED to do and WANT to do. You need to get things done but you also need a life.

Check the Voices: Take some time to evaluate where you are hearing advice from. Make sure you know the difference between advice (surface level) and wisdom (heart/mind/soul level). Do you watch alot of news and how do you feel afterwards? When you make decisions, which people in your life do you turn to? Get into the Bible and read (or listen) to gain more clarity for your life. Start small.

In our next post, we will address assumptions that we make about trauma.

Today, I begin a series of blog posts entitled: “Trauma and The Church.” The focus on trauma and its effect on people has been picking up serious traction in the mental health field. Trauma is no longer a category on a service plan; it is a focal point that cannot be ignored with ALL people–whether they are in mental health services or not. The topic of trauma has now trickled into the spiritual/ministry/Church world. The only nice thing about the COVID-19 pandemic is it made us start doing new ministry OUTSIDE of the church walls and it unraveled how we deal with trauma.

Please note: I am not a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. I spent 10 years working in mental health in a variety of positions. I have ministry experience and education. I believe it is time for the Church to start embracing the impact of trauma on our people. My views are opinions and not necessary perfect and pretty.

I believe that trauma is not talked about in the Church for several reasons:

• We are scared of it. Everyone has been through something traumatic–Christians are no different. The reason I believe we don’t talk about it in churches is we are scared and uneducated about it. Too often than not, we defer problems to a lack of faith, needing to pray more, or evil. While all of these things could hinder our spiritual growth, they are not the go-to answer when someone is struggling.
• Generational Differences. Every generation has its ups and downs. Some generations have different views on traumatic events. Their philosophy is: if we don’t talk about it, then it never happened. Some generations have been more receptive to getting dialogue going about trauma. Most people in our churches can not agree on Bible translations. The same can hold true for our views on managing trauma.
• It exposes our own trauma. When we do not think of the effects of trauma on others–especially in the Church, we are avoiding our own woundedness. If we enter into that person’s suffering with them, our wounds may open up a little bit and bleed. This is where we must aim on being rooted in Christ so we can be healers who address others’ wounds.

In our next Trauma + The Church, we will discuss spiritual practices that can help you with trauma.

Our series on “Beauty” continues; however, today takes a different turn. Today, we talk about Beauty and the Beast. No, not the Disney movie! The Beauty and the Beast that we will take a look at is more metaphorical and yet uniquely personal.

Our Beauty is that person. The one who brings light into darkness. The one who stands by you while all living hell is breaking loose around you and within you. The Beauty could be a male or a female (don’t make this weird–a guy can have a beautiful spirit) and could be a friend, lover, etc. People who dispense beauty into our lives can be male or female. As a Jesus follower, this beautiful person points us to find healing in Jesus. Their presence may be quiet or loud but they consistently love you and respect you as Jesus does. In this fast-paced and often selfish world, this Beauty is rare. Thank God (and them)!

The Beast is YOU. Yes, you! I am not making fun of the fact that you look tired today or forget to wear makeup. The Beast is your vulnerable self. In this state, we are aware that we are letting someone into our scars, wounds, and successes. We are allowing someone to see our story and this is different from the public and social media version of our story. The Beast can indeed be ugly. What if they see me as I really am? The unperfect me? The still-figuring-out-my-life me? Find who you can be your Beast with.

May you find healing because someone stepped up and stepped into your life and showed you Jesus’ love. May you also return the favor!

For the next few blog posts, I will be writing about the aspect of beauty and how it affects various parts of our lives. There is something restoring about beautiful people, places, and things that bring hope and healing to us. We will explore this as spring is a natural transition of beauty unfolding before us.

Spring is here! At least, that is what our calendars tell us. Today appears to be a day that is partly like winter and partly like spring. If you need something to look forward to today, I believe Rita’s Italian Ice gives out discounts or free Italian ice today.

In the Northeast, we usually crave Spring. The barrenness of winter has passed and everyone is coming out of their caves–some people literally. This is a time of planting, pruning, and blossoming. When I worked in mental health, many people experienced their worst depressive states NOT around the holidays (Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day). January through the beginning of Spring were the worse months for anyone with mental health concerns. Why? The holidays are over there is freezing cold temperatures, very little sunshine, and what appears to be little hope.

Dead leaves are on the ground yet green grass is peeking through the pile of yard debris. Patio furniture and fire pits are brought out from storage and ready to be christened with memories of laughter and joy. Lawn mowers are prepared for that first sacred cut of the new mowing season. Evil rears its ugly head as weeds and thistles pop up in your flowerbeds to let their presence be known.

Spring breaks into nature and yet also into our heart and soul. We have needed THIS. Yes, THIS! In colder climates, I do not know many people who have not struggled mentally or spiritually through the winter. Our heart and soul have really been longing for beauty. Beauty can have many forms when it comes to Spring. Maybe we needed reassurance of more sunlight. You could equate this with needing more hope in our despair. Maybe we needed to see new life in our plants and nature. You could also equate this with those places in our heart where we know we need to take some risks with Jesus and others.

Find Beauty in Spring today. Embrace it. Love it. Thank God for it.